May 2nd: Turtles 6 (3) - Arakura 2 (1)
For the third time in five weeks, the Turtles had to leave the comfort of the inner suburbs and venture out along the Hutt motorway. This time it wasn't just the Hutt, or even Wainui, but beyond Wainui (not unlike Mel Gibson in "Beyond Thunderdome"). I spotted my first Mark II Zephyr as I rounded the Hutt Park round-about, and as the Clap began to rattle and wheeze it's way up the Wainui Hill road, "Road to Nowhere" by Talking Heads came on the radio.
The venue itself, Arakura Park, will need substantial investment if it is to be considered as a Commonwealth games site as part of Wellington's bid. The surface resembled a Taranaki paddock in need of some sheep, so, like Mel in that hugely forgettable piece of shite / movie, the Turtles donned all the protective gear they could muster (shinnys) and prepared for battle. The Open A league table, courtesy of those tireless trojans at the FA, had the Turtles at third from bottom, with Arakura below them, but little could be read into the table at this early stage of the season, except for who was going to win the league (Lower Hutt), and everyone knew that before the season even started.
Terry was welcomed back into the centre of defence, hastening feverish betting at the TAB about how long he would last, and which part of his body would collapse first. Some late money was also on how soon his red sports car, parked in the street, would be taken on a joy ride by some local youths. As it turned out, the TAB made a killing, as Terry survived well into the second half, and the car remained intact. Darren also started, prompting more bets.
The game itself began with quite a bit of rush and bustle, but soon we settled down to play to our plan, a lot of controlled, short passing. Nazim, playing up front for the first time, was developing a lot of attacks in combination with Spratty, and after some delightful interplay on the edge of the box, finished well from ten yards. The oppo whinged about off-side, and as it turned out they were to spend the whole game whingeing (we were reffing). Mind you, it may be that living in Wainui causes one to whinge 24 hours a day - I just don't know.
Despite scoring first, we were not yet totally in control, although playing a lot of good stuff through the middle. Darren, wide on the left with his shorts on backwards, was producing a lot of attacks, and we were enjoying time on the ball all over the park. But the surface hindered control sometimes, and because we were slowing play down, the oppo got lots of people behind the ball, particularly crowding out Simon and Nazim up front. The oppo's attacks were sporadic, but from one such they equalised. We lost the ball on our left, their right half hoofed it over to the top of our defence and it was smashed in over Snout from 20 yards. Oh dear. Why are 98% of freakish goals scored against us? Snout was not amused, even less so when it was reported later that one of the oppo had referred to him as by far the oldest player on the park, a comment which delighted quite a few ageing Turtles up the field.
We got back on track soon enough, and regained some semblance of dominance. More interplay up front set Spratty up for 2-1, and towards half-time, a low Wal cross was converted by Simon (G). We felt pretty comfortable at the break, and a less-watery-than-last-week drink enhanced our mood. We felt confident as the second spell began, but it took a while to score again. 10 minutes in Phil came on for Darren, and began to develop a lot of stuff down the left with Simon ahead of him. Wide on the other side, Wal also started to get round the back of his defender, a good effort considering the defender looked at least half his age, and probably doesn't attend regularly organised drunken sessions masquerading as "whisky-tasting". Eventually these moves created chances, and Nazim, and then Simon finished decisively. In between those two goals, a cock-up by the skipper at the back gifted them a second, but there is no time to go into that in any detail.
After our fifth, the result was not in doubt, and the oppo began to wilt. Most of the rest of the game was played in their half, and our defenders began to push forward. GT, on at right back when Terry decided he had had enough, made some remarkable runs down the wing, several times sprinting 50 metres, beating two or three before tripping himself up and kicking it out. At this stage we were getting a bit excited, and losing shape, so the game became a bit scrappy. Nazim got his hat-trick after ignoring Spratty's demands for a square ball, and after that the game petered out somewhat.
Despite the poor facilities (no showers), you could buy a beer whilst getting changed, a novel approach which we recommend is taken up at other grounds. The garden bar does, however, require a bit of work.
A special hello this week to the author of the North Wellington weekly program, who gave the Turtles Website a mention in the section on soccer websites in NZ. For some reason, he commented that the Turtles regard the Nth Wgtn as a bunch of thugs. This is of course not at all true, as over the years the Turtles have enjoyed many a skilfully played match with numerous Nth Wgtn teams, and seldom required hospital treatment. Good natured banter is also a regular feature of these contests. If, in the process of writing these reports, I may convey contrary impressions, then unsolicited contrifibularities are welcome.
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