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April 10th: Turtles 1 (0) - Wellington Olympic 1 (0)Crawford Green. What a dump. In many Turtles, it conjured up images of being dragged along by Dad on a Saturday morning to play a game that you didn't really want to play anyway, with a driving southerly smashing ice-cold rain into your face, then the local bully, the same age but twice your size, and a real wanker (because at the age of 9 he could maintain an erection) pushing your face into the mud and laughing like Jabba the Hut, and your Dad yelling at you to "get up you bloody girl". And then after the game the coach, who is always the best player's father, tells you that, with a bit of luck, you may get a game next week, and then you get taken home and put into a scalding hot bath, and your Mum calls you little Georgie Second Best, and you just want to play with dolls or something. Anyway, since then it's been done up a bit, but the main pitch still goes directly North-South, so after losing the toss, we played down wind on a day of a blustery Southerly. Now under normal circumstances, this would have been lapped up, and a 5-0 lead at half-time would have been a doddle. But this was an under-strength Turtles side, with several notable stars missing, and more to leave early. Some of this was due to an outbreak of weddings, but missing also were Tel, who was on a business trip in Sydney, Weasel, who was on paternal leave, and Spratty, who arrived late. He said he had been working, and this may or may not have involved helping one of his associates, an injured but much respected former Turtle, get rid of a married bird at six that morning. So, due to this depletion, the skip joined Si G up front, and Gordi was once again (badly) utilised in midfield. As the oppo had, allegedly, beaten the Cops the week before, we were expecting a tough battle, but apart from a big guy at the back who specialised in kicking the ball, and some skilful little midfielders, they offered little into the wind and seemed content on defending and holding out until half-time. That they managed to do so was due more to our inept shooting than their defensive skill. The wind regularly took the ball away from our forwards as it came through from midfield, and as the game became more and more congested in their half, it all got a bit messy. The skip hit the near post direct from a corner, and a couple of hurried efforts went closely over the crossbar, but their keeper got a pretty easy ride. At half-time the oppo seemed pretty pleased with themselves. I say seemed because none of their talk was in English, and they could have been complaining about the season's fish take from Island Bay for all we knew. Dodger departed at half-time for a wedding. One of our middle-aged midfielders speculated that it may have been Dodger's parents getting married. At the time of going to press this has still not been confirmed. This left a gaping hole at the back that Blobby squeezed into. Spratty came on, and, with Gordi and Simon G up front, things looked immediately better. Playing into the wind, the Turtles displayed a controlled passing game, and were soon creating chances. Gordi hit the crossbar, and Spratty and Si went close. Despite being the youngest Turtle on the field by some 12 years, Si was struggling a bit, but this could be put down to not having played for about a month, and the 6 consecutive days he was on the piss over Easter. The oppo weren't offering much to trouble us at the back, and Snouter was relieved to see all their hurried shots go well wide or high. However, finding this a bit boring, he decided to try and stop one of those from going wide for a goal kick (he claims it was going to be a corner, but we will never know). Anyway, his inevitable fumble was latched onto by the only oppo player within 30 yards, and from a tight angle he curled it in. The oppo seemed to regard this as enough to win, so sat back a bit, but, like Liverpool in the Eighties, the Turtles are never as dangerous as when they have just conceded a soft goal through the ineptitude of their eccentric keeper. Soon enough, a Spratty corner came over to Gordi, and he layed it back into the path of a heavily strapped-up Don. The huge crowd (Audrey, Malcolm and Cassy), had seen this situation many times over the last few years, and fully expected a powerful but completely wayward attempt. Bets were placed on a throw-in, or even an air-ball, but this time the planets aligned themselves with Don's right boot and he smashed it over the keeper into the roof of the net. Immediately, the oppo complained, for what we're not sure. Being their ref, we feared the worst, but this ref was, as it turns out, an extremely decent chap. He was actually known to several of the older Turtles, being ex-Wellington Col and generally quite well-known as being one of the best players ever to play for Olympic (Harry Kotsapas). So back on even terms, we knew we could win it. In the last ten minutes a few half chances come our way, but finishing was difficult into the wind. As the game entered it's last minute, the oppo attacked, and yet another long-range shot went away for a corner. The corner was badly over hit, and beyond the far post Phil was in place to clear it away. However, he was unceremoniously shoved out of the way by one of their forwards, who then nodded back across goal. Time stood still as the ball was caught by the wind and curled goalwards. Snouter was beaten, but on the line stood Cooky. He jumped heroically, and got just enough leathery old forehead on the ball to deflect it up and on to the crossbar. It then bounced straight back down, narrowly missing Cooky, and landed on the line. It was then fumbled away to safety. The oppo demanded a goal, but the ref, Harry, had seen enough and said no. As the protests began, Harry saw what was about to happen, and blew for full time. The oppo, led by their captain, then embarked on a disgraceful display of abuse, that included quite a bit of pushing, on a guy who not only had made the correct decision, but was also one of the greatest players ever to play for their club. The recriminations seemed to continue later in the changing rooms. As we showered and changed and tried not to laugh, they sat around in a very serious group and discussed matters heatedly. We only hope Harry got what he deserved later that night - an humble apology and a free meal. |
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