July 24th: Turtles 7 (4) - Island Bay 2 (0)
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| Kind words from a Turtle fan who's played a bit himself... but never say never Nobby, you may yet get The Call. | |
2.30pm at Benburn Park (OK so this bit was written earlier in the week !) on a day the AB's were up against the cocky Ockers would normally spell much abuse and name-calling of the Association (or Dave Hooley or Stevie or Jenny Shipley) and the threat of despatching Donaldo to sort things out. However the NZ Rugby Union, or Rugby New Zealand or whatever they might be called next week, decided to treat the Turts more reverently than their legends in the cheap seats, and wisely shifted the game to the evening under lights so that this conflict could be averted.
The secret of match report writing seems to be how to abuse everyone equally and fairly - with the obvious exceptions (Dodger, Spratty and recently Gordie). However I was more worried about how I was going to remember every bloody participant leading up to every goal if we got more than four
past the Indians - which was more than likely. On reflection though, accuracy and memory haven't seemed that important in past reports, so I'll just blame the heavy cold I played with for any mistakes!
This was another big day for the Turtles - they all seem to have been this year. Up against one of the weakest teams in the league, with four games to go and a lead of six points, doing the business was not only expected but necessary, as the final three games would be against opponents that on their day have been known to give the Turtles a wee bit of trouble. A few key (they would claim) players deem it unnecessary to be available for the game, as it's an obvious walkover, and bugger off to enjoy their Saturday afternoon somewhere else ! So the pressure was on the boys to front up big time, with some of our biggest loudmouths ready to jump on any slip-up.
Their absence though did provide a number of positives. Missing was the much maligned and incomprehensible accent of the Scot Gordie and the torrents of abuse parading as constructive criticism of the fat, slow and recently tanned Pom, Spratty. Both continuing to treat the Turtles best year in the last ten as a part-time affair. With the ever encouraging and positive Dodger also absent, team communication should have improved immediately and certainly self-abuse was going to take the day off. No idea what
Dodger's excuse was, but no one really gave a stuff anyway.
Blobby, Wal and Snouter, all known for the odd bit of amusing but diverting witty repartee during a game were also missing, but this could only increase our speed and mobility. Although the sight of Wal running like a man half his age was likely to be missed. Nicko was the other piker but no doubt he had prequalifying for the USPGA to attend to.
The team available had to be one of the youngest (on average), and least greyest, fielded for some time. On the other hand it was probably the most injury prone bunch possible, with Tel, Cooky, Phildo, Darrin, Si Law and Stevie H all likely at some stage to pop a cartilage, ping a hammy or tear a nipple ring.
Captain Stevie wisely decided then to back up this fragile mob by picking a Pom with some football pedigree. Boy also joined in the fun as first half ref and second half keeper, and must surely have come to the conclusion that there are better ways to spend Saturday arvo's.
Due to a one game a ground call from the Association we were transferred from the Turtles spiritual football home of Benburn to the Turtle cricketers spiritual home of Anderson Park. As usual in mid-winter the park was a mess, with a 50 metre square area in and around the centre circle of foul-smelling bog. Kick offs took place way over to one side of this shit heap and any play thru the middle became a lottery as the ball was held up - however this didn't stop the Turts testing this theory as often as possible.
The oppo initially seemed torn between fronting up to the Turts or spending a few hours up at the Varsity library, but after much discussion common-sense prevailed and a game of eleven on eleven ensued.
It took a while for the Turts to settle, which given the nature of the park was not surprising, but the oppo, with a few useful bookworms in their side, started competitively. Simon G looked like he was going to have one of those days again when early on he pushed a feeble shot wide with just the keeper to beat. He made up for it a short while later though when he converted a great cross of Zil's from the left with a well taken header. The quality of this first goal probably stunned us more than them, because we'd not seen this from Simon G all year, however recovering quickly from the shock the luds now got well on top. Both Don and the Pom with the football pedigree in the middle were getting good possession and getting the ball wide and out of the shit as quickly as possible. Further shock followed shortly when Si G got his second squeezing a shot under the advancing keeper.
Our Pom with the football pedigree next got into the goalscoring action after a ball from wide on the right, was headed on into the box, bobbled around a bit, hung in the air for an age, and with the keeper fixed to the goal line counting the number of panels on the ball, said Pom calmly flicked the dropping ball past him. His second goal and our fourth was much more regulation and well taken, as Phildo with loads of space on the right, picked out the little Pom who placed his header perfectly.
The back four of Cooky, GT, Big Si and Tel were pretty much coping with anything that came their way, and Tony G in goal was given no real chance to muddy his kit. Midfielders sort of tippy toed their way thru the muck on the way to the bits of the field that resembled a football ground.
4 - 0 at halftime.
Tony G calculatingly complained about his inactivity and was promptly dropped as keeper. Having been the unlucky one to draw the short straw for the jerseys (for the 2nd week in a row !) it was only fair he get to sample the delights of the outfield. Cooky had a short 10 min spell in goal, which may or may not have yielded their first goal, then Boy took over. The second half though was not memorable. The Turtles seemed to cruise and when the Indians got two goals back, arguing about who was to blame was simply academic. Defence, like playing became a chore, with the aim of the game to play around the bog as creatively as possible. Almost impossible, with the long ball up the line being the favoured tactic. A bit harsh maybe as, in typical Turtle fashion, there was a mix of good moves, accurate passing and crap. Boy performed pretty well in goal, although two goals conceded meant Snout would not be happy chappy with the goals against column.
The day however was saved by some clinical finishing in the last 15 minutes or so. Si G completed his
hat-trick memorably, but I'm buggered if I can remember how he did it. His fourth though was sweetly volleyed in after a great run and cross from the left by Tony G. Si G free of the UK Strikers Advisory Group seemed to be back enjoying himself again. Not long before the finish Tony G, looking remarkably sober, lashed in one of his trademark leftfooters after some good work claimed by Zil.
So that was it - a largely uninspiring day on a park that resembled a green rectangle with huge flat dog turd in the middle. Happy to take the points though, and onwards and upwards for the Turtles machine, the like of which hasn't been seen now for almost a decade. 1999, last year of this millennium maybe, but in some circles it will be remembered as the year the Turtles finally got back on the Honours Board. Premature? I don't think so, the Turtle's don't know the meaning of the word.
The last words go to Alan Ball and George Cohen