April 29th: Turtles 3 (1) - Lower Hutt 3 (2)
Back home after the game,
Stolli isn't surprised to hear about the draw.
(What's a match report without a photo, eh?)
There were a few rumours doing the rounds prior to this game that the Lower Hutt team in our grade were the bastards who ran rings around us (and everyone else) and ran away with Div 5 in '97 and '98, before being relegated to Div 6 (again go figure the WSA). Turts from those years still have nightmares about Troy pinging it in the top corner from 30 yards, as well as the relentless running and passing of that team, a quite objectionable approach, given the usually slow, gentle nature of the game in Div 5.
The Turtle cars pulled nervously into the carpark at Fraser Park. Making posy late entrances were the pulsing red sports cars, the late middle-aged drivers of which clearly feel the need to compensate for size deficiency in the trouser department. The occupants of these vehicles got out, scanned the horizon, and quickly confirmed that today's oppo were indeed the dreaded aforementioned bastards. But as the kickoff drew nearer, it become clear that Troy was not among them. Turts of '98 would at this stage have been imagining what could have happened to him. Perhaps he was abducted by a gang of midgets from Stokes Valley, and tortured to death by having to sit through endless replays of the AB's losing to France in the WC Semi. Or maybe he went to Wainui for a game, met a local called Sharleene, and now lives at No. 4 Septic Close with Sharleene's divorced mother and six kids. Anyway, we wish him well.
Missing from the Turts lineup this week were Steve Lang and Weasel. Steve had, allegedly, decided that as he had only six weeks or so in town before he left to continue his travels, he would rather spend his weekends seeing the sights of Welly than spending his Saturdays with the Turtles. An odd decision to say the least, but one that may just have been helped along by the complete panning his match report of a couple weeks back received. We'll never know. Weasel was "away for the weekend", but that simple phrase could do with a little elaboration. A friend of Mrs Weasel (the incredibly tolerant Karen), was over from the States, and wanted to see a bit of the country. Weas agreed to drive up to Rotorua on Saturday, then over to Hamilton on Sunday before parting company with his wife and getting the overnight train down to Welly. Now, are those the actions of any kind of man, or some caftan-wearing rodent with a chain around his neck about to be taken to the vet to be spayed.
Therefore, the Turts starting lineup for the game was just about as strong as its ever going to get. There was skill, strength, and aggression right across the park, but unfortunately it was only the opposition who displayed any of these qualities for the first 20 minutes. The previous four games of the season had lulled us into a false sense of ability, and every time a Turtle had the ball he took about 1.5 seconds too long to decide what to do with it. Even our dynamic duo up front, Gordie (the caped Avenger with his Tartan boxers outside his shorts), and his able assistant Livi (the boy wonder) were having trouble adjusting to the increased pace and efficiency of the oppo defence.
After 15 minutes it seemed that we had got away with the sluggish start, but, being fine upstanding citizens with a strong sense of conscience, the Turts decided that no, we deserved to be behind, so promptly delivered the oppo a two goal lead. The first came from a bit of confusion on our left, and after a bit of running around in circles, an oppo player had space to lob in a cross. We left a man free at the far post and he gratefully accepted. A short time later, Tel and Si Law made a mess of things under a bit of pressure, and Si somehow managed to flick the ball behind both of them and into the path of an attacker inside the box. This chance too was gratefully accepted.
The lads by now realised that there was a game on, and it wasn't one of those strolls in the park of Easter. Don started to step up his work in the middle, and everyone generally started to compete a bit more. Gordie and Livi got a bit more ball, and even Spratty was able to get some ball and have an influence. The fact that Spratty was out of bed at all was startling, as he had visited a urologist (or something) that morning, and been told to rest for a week. What do those quacks know anyway. The oppo defence didn't look quite as flash with a bit of pressure on them, and a few hurried clearances signalled a change to the game. Tony G was able to get into some threatening positions up the left, which is ironic, considering that the previous night he had spent working in a gay bar, and no doubt got into some pretty threatening positions there as well.
From one of these propositions down the left, Tony got a ball into the box (cheeky), and amongst the ensuing confusion an oppo hand made contact with it (oo er). GT was reffing, and in his own hesitant way, took a while to make the decision before pointing to the spot. Turts scattered at this stage, and after much delay Livi was left the job. He stroked the ball in, wide of the oppo keeper, which was a better effort than it sounds, as this keeper was huge. The rest of the half was a tight tussle, and twice their keeper made amazing saves to keep their lead intact.
Our beloved manager, Grunter, was welcomed back at half-time, having missed the last two games because of a chortling holiday in the South Island. He brought with him SNO, a nice change from the peculiar brew Gordie served up at Eastbourne. Duly fortified, we drew level two minutes into the second half. Gordie released Tony down the left, and he went down to the byline before smashing in a square ball, which an oppo defender kindly deflected into the top corner. The boys were now getting on top, and regular half-chances were being created. The best of these came when a Spratty flick sent Gordie clear in the box. A square ball would have given Livi a tap in, but Gordie chose to blast it wide. It may be of interest to note that, whereas after the last few games, when Gordie has scored hattricks or more, he has stayed around for a beer to talk about how wonderful he is, after this game he went home without a shower.
At the other end, the oppo attacks were sporadic but dangerous, particularly when their No. 10 was involved. Snouter had a couple of corners to deal with, and even came off his line to do a few punches. It was another defensive error that put us behind again. Tel and Steve H got caught hesitating, and the ball was whisked away to that bloody No. 10. He rolled it under an advancing Snout, who said later he was expecting a high shot. Snouter is young and inexperienced, and will be a better keeper when he grows up.
Most of the rest of the action took place in the oppo half. Livi got clear and smashed it straight at the keeper. Tony kept up his shooting accuracy from the previous weekend (crap), but redeemed himself by taking numerous corners and 93 long throws. (His tough man image was dented later when he admitted that after taking such throws he is sore for a couple of days). Our beloved leader drew us level from a corner. It arrived at the far post, and Si G had a go, which came back off the keeper for Tel to bury. Shortly after this Livi made a great solo run, and looked around for support when he got trapped. Everyone else was standing watching him, and this got him pissed off for the first time in his Turtle career. He lost the ball, and then ran 30 yards to attempt to break the ankles of the poor chap who happened to it. He got a stern talking to from the ineffectual ponce who was reffing. The oppo defence somehow managed to survive our late onslaught, and it was fitting that their keeper had the last touch. Si Law, up for a corner, nodded towards the top corner, and no other keeper in our grade would have stopped it. Si says that save will cost him, as he is a business client of Si's boozy job.
PS. Dodge was Man of the Match. Don't know why.