May
13th: Turtles 3 (2) - Petone Celtics 2 (1)
Passionless Turtles Crawl to Victory.
Livvie dazzles the oppo with some silky skills on the ball
It seems a far cry from 3rd April 1999 when the “Turts” put away Petone Celtics 3-0 in what became known as the “Euro Trash” game. The replay was closer with a 3-2 victory but the phoenix rise in 2000, continuing resurgence under “Telboys captaincy” and just how crap Petone were in preseason all led to high confidence and potential complacency!
Stevie “Hard Man” Hambleton was looking sharp and hungry, looking for his first good game of the season (well he was until he discovered he was dropped). He seemed buoyed by the controversy around his strongly worded match report, the fact MT Petone were now well fired up for the replay seemed to matter little. (For those interested the Mother Truckers were last spotted on the hard shoulder, broken down in the Karori area)
It was a boisterous gathering in very small changing room. Tong G spent most of the time inspecting the toilets declaring that his toilets were better then these. Dodger was looking for a pair of shorts that fitted, Nicko farted and Don was sharpening his studs. The team talk was typical, typically uninspiring. We headed off into the game feeling that Petone should just give us the points and save us the effort.
The late switch from pitch two to four and back seemed to cause confusion. The nets were still up on the wrong pitch and no one seemed to give a flying fart about them. By kick off, one net was in place and Telboy elected to “play into the net”. His
optimism was well founded, by the time the injured Si Law and Sean had the second net in place we were a goal up.
A quick break down the left, some neat passing using the vast available spaces, a bit of a run from the podgy striker and bang 1-0. Nice and easy as predicted, Petone are crap.
Before the fat man had his breath back, Livvy was on the charge. With his best move of the day he took on most of the midfield, popped a nicely weighted ball through to Gordie who hit low to the keepers right. 2-0 within
15 minutes - just the way we like it.
What followed for the remainder of the half is best described as average, but more realistically the form of two bottom-of-the-table teams. There was a few pluses, PK had a good one, the defence solid but unadventurous and Don battled hard.
The game was sliding into mediocrity as quickly as Craig Gray (President of the Scottish Supporter Club) comes out with poor quality chat. Zil had a golden chance to stop the slide. Don found a little space on the right and crossed the ball to the back post. The mild mannered accountant had an age to pick his spot and slotted it “beautifully” past the keeper and past the top corner. Good effort – no cigar.
With half time approaching a 2-0 turn around was almost palatable but in the 45th minute the unthinkable happened. Petone, with no clear-cut chance in the first half, hit back. The “ample” goalie showed a bit too much of the ball, a polite way of saying he dropped it, allowing the Lebanese striker to put the ball and half of Snouters fingers into the net. 2-1 at half time - hardly convincing.
The half time talk was marked only by the fact there was no glasses for the “Sweet Navel Orange”. The team talk mumbled on about being a bit worried about the second half so we strengthened the side by taking Don and Dodger off bringing “Hard man” Stevie and Tony G on.
The oppo had their tails up and within five of the restart it was 2-2. Nicko held onto the ball a fraction long in midfield and got a good kick in the shins for his trouble. The breaking ball fell to Petone and with what turned out to be their only decisive run of the game drilled the ball low into the net. Boy it looked depressing from the half line where I was rooted to the spot having a “wee” rest.
This lead into a phase of play where we battled for control but never fully made it. Stevie H was giving some good width and a few chances were created.
The boys watching were now completely bored, all five of them were spotted with their backs to our game watching the Petone first team play -who could blame them. Cheers lads. One of the Petone players tried to make a name for himself as the guy with no balls. While climbing the fence to retrieve a ball that had been kicked into touch, he got his nuts caught on the fence and was squealing in agony.
Similar noises where heard from our own side as we began to get some control. Zil shot wide and Si G’s effort made the golf course. A small child, on seeing Si G’s shot, summed it up by saying, “that was shite”.
Desperate measures were called for and TelBoy looked for experience. The fans cried for Booby but the experience was to be found in Wal. Wal is not a man to mess with even his loved ones are a bit scared of him. You ask Cassie, she’s just turned 10 and given Wal devoted service. What does he do? Gets drunk, selects a 9 iron and “accidentally” drove her up the hall leading to five internal and five external stitches to match her age. If that’s what she gets for devotion, what could the opposition expect?
Gordie was getting a bit frustrated and spent much of the next period verbally abusing most of his side leading a solo war of passion. After winning a corner he demonstrated what a shirt pull was on one of the oppo defenders causing a bit of tension (the referee had obviously never seen one before). It was turning messy, but from the corner a touch by Tony G, a flick by Gordie over the defender and a volley into the net. That’s the way to show them - 3-2 Turtles.
It was tough going from there to the end of the game. Zil had the best chance to finish the game having done all the hard work he get clean through but shot straight at the keeper. Final score 3-2 with the last word going to the Oppo sweeper who was reported to say we might have the victory but they had the moral one. Well they’ve been winning moral victories for a few years we’ll keep settling for the points.
This writer for one says
“BRING BACK BOOBY”.