July 1st: Turtles 1 (1) - Lower Hutt 1 (0)

My favourite day of the week is Saturday. Wednesdays are sometimes ok, when me and the lads get to have a bit of a run around up at Karori Park under the lights. But on Saturdays it's a full two hours or more out in daylight, and if you are lucky enough to get picked for the game, it's ninety minutes of full-on action. Admittedly every other day of the week is complete crap, stuck in that damp red bag, more often than not bouncing around in the boot of Terry's car, but Saturday makes up for it.

It was only recently that I joined the Turtles. My first memory was of being stuck in a plastic bag by some young Asian kid, and put on a shelf with loads of others like me. We had nothing in common, so didn't talk much. The first few weeks were a dizzying succession of large boxes and shelves, and a distinct drop in temperatures. The travel seemed to come to an end when a bunch of us were picked up by a guy called Dave, and then myself and one other were handed on to Terry. Terry is lovely, with a nice house and a cracking girlfriend. It was just a few days after meeting Terry that he pumped me up for the first time. At first it felt a bit odd, getting my first burst of air from the pump, but soon I was nearly passing out with the joy of the sensation. As soon as I was filled out, someone kicked me. Now that may sound a bit unpleasant, but it's actually quite a buzz. All the air inside me shifts around at a great rate of knots, and I go zooming off. And it's great to know that you are the centre of attention, and everyone wants a go at you.

Anyway, it turns out that Terry is the Captain of the Fabulous Turtles, and I am now their first choice match ball. I've had a couple of games over the last few weeks, but this week was the big one - Lower Hutt. Me and the lads in the bag had been talking about it all week, and then finally Saturday comes, and the old red bag is retrieved from Terry's laundry. After a short trip in the boot, we get dumped on the sideline at Ben Burn. You can imagine the excitement I'm feeling, but there are others in the bag whose attitude is, shall we say, not supportive. Especially that sad old ball that doesn't even get pumped up any more, on account of his leak. So his career is over - at least he could show a bit of support for the new guns coming through, instead of sulking in the corner of the bag, making snide remarks. The rest of the lads are better, because they know that they'll be involved in the pre-match kick-around, and perhaps get some game time if there is a loss or injury. As usual we get left to think about our game while the team go off and get changed, and then they all come trotting out and it's action time.

As kick off approaches, I get that excited tingle - will it be me? After a short discussion, the oppo captain agrees to use me, because "I look newer than theirs". Pdoing !!! The game starts slowly, and I don't see any goal action early on. Lower Hutt initially controls things, but have little penetration. The only threat is, as usual, their No. 10, but he doesn't get a lot of quality me. Our defence is solid, with Si Law putting a lot of effort in early. This was a problem later on, as the big fella ran out of puff pretty quickly, and struggled through the last hour. Dodge, behind him, was, as always, clinical. I love the way a dangerous ball is always met with his solid clearance - he can really get me moving over the sideline. Out wide PK and Stevie had a lot to handle, but coped well, with the help of Weas and Wal.

After the initial burst from LH, we got some attacking going. Livi was linking with Spratty and Gordie up ahead, and the big Scotsman had two early balls to run on to, but blasted me high and wide. Spratty was obviously struggling, due to age, injury and karaoke at 3:30 the previous night (apparently an unforgettable version of "My Way"), and I didn't see much of him before he limped off to be replaced by Nicko. After about 20 minutes, PK took me forward from defence, and saw Gordie making a move. PK's long ball was a joy, but a defender looked to have it covered until a tiny puff of wind carried me over his head and into Gordie's path. The Tartan Tadger controlled me, jinked inside, and slotted me past the approaching keeper, who swore at me as he picked me out of the net. A few minutes later Snouter gave PK a tricky pass to deal with, it was too much for his hammy - ping - and Phildo joined the fray. For the next ten minutes the youth of the oppo started to tell, and the Turts looked a bit shagged. Fortunately Don had had a quiet Friday night, and was our one-man engine room. He was often the final tackle, and tracked their dangerous midfielders to great effect. There was a succession of corners for LH, but these were invariably wasted, much to our relief. Snouters only real work of the first half was from that bastard No.10. He collected out on the right, and surged infield, taking a shot from near the edge of the box. I feared I was going in, but Snouter dived full length to nudge me round the post, bless him.

Half-time was a welcome break, and I sat in the middle of the park catching my breath whilst the boys had Orange and Mango. I was a bit worried about the Turts at the start of the second spell, as they looked a bit tired, but everyone dug deep. The oppo had a lot of ball, but couldn't create any clear chances through our staunch defence. On several occasions Dodge was the saviour, crosses or shots hitting his lovely cuddly body, and the resulting corners were again wasted. At the other end our attacks were less regular but far more likely. Livi, Gordie and Nicko, created a lot of space with their running, and brought Weasel and Wal into action as well. It was only a matter of time before Wal made his trademark big run, and this time it coincided with a Livi break. Wal got a delightful through ball, and after one touch, shot low. Unfortunately the keeper got his legs in the way, and I bounced clear. Soon after this I bounced over the fence behind Snouter's goal. I sat on the path beside a house for what seemed like ages, and heard the game continuing with a bloody replacement. Finally Terry came and got me, and I was back in it. And I was soon to touch net again. An oppo midfielder provided the extra man up on our left, and curled a cross to the far post. Phildo had two to deal with, and it went behind him, where a low header snuck inside the post. With about 20 to go this buoyed the oppo, and they had a brief good spell, but again couldn't create any good chances. We got back into it, and all the late action was at the other end. Wal put me just the wrong side of the post, Gordie went just wide and then just high, and Nicko and Livi both had efforts that "hit" the keeper, rather than being saved by him.

So the feeling at the end was that we should have won it. I personally enjoyed the game immensely, as there was lots of free flowing, quality stuff, and I was treated with care and respect.

Hiya Terry, what now? Oh shit, back in the bag.

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