July 19th: Fabulous Turtles 1 (0) - Olympic 0 (0)
by Stevie "Wolfman" Hambleton
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Driving south towards the game on Saturday, the sense of foreboding was
palpable. Having left a calm, sunny Raroa (sometimes referred to as North
Khandallah), this reporter couldn't help but feel that the clouds rushing up
from the south were a portent of not only a cold and uncomfortable afternoon
weather-wise, but also of a chilling day of sport. About a month ago there had
been that awful day when the Turtles, Warriors and AB's had all lost close
contests. On Saturday the Turtles were severely depleted, and playing Olympic,
who were third in the grade. The Warriors also faced a tough way game, and the
AB's were in Pretoria. The true meaning of those dark, heavy clouds that were
converging on Wakefield Park just couldn't be ignored.
To say the Turtles were depleted is probably being a bit unfair to the side
that took the field, but it would be fair to say that stand-in skipper Snout had
been rooting around in the dead leaves all week, much like a greying wart-hog. (Wal
was, as you know, in New Orleans, working hard and going to bed early each
night). By Thursday numbers were still short, but then Lance heroically decided
to risk his injury again, PJ agreed to vacate his Lay-z-boy for a couple of
hours, and GT found two brothers. Not his own brothers, you understand, but
brothers nonetheless. Grant and Wayne something or other. Quite where GT is
managing to produce players from recently is unclear. One rumour, that was
suppressed as soon as it was raised in this very match report, is that GT and
Marie frequent one of those clubs for swinging couples, and "meet" like-minded
men there for "relaxation" and football talk. The source of that rumour can't be
named, but shall we just say that the real reasons for death of that British
weapons inspector dude in England over the weekend will probably never be
broadcast on BBC World.
So we had a team, but we didn't really feel too good about it pre-kickoff.
Olympic have some good players, including two WINOs, so it is never a nice game
against them. Their main striker wasn't there though, which helped our cause,
and we did play well the previous week to win. And Snout won the toss, giving us
the wind first up. This meant we could get forward a bit early doors. Lance and
Frank up front got some ball, and dealt with it well. Their control was
excellent under pressure, and as always Chris and Murray provided running off
them. Tel was back in the centre of defence, having recovered from childbirth,
and was called on to deal with plenty of aerial threats. Back there with him was
GT. The mystical man of the East was dumped into centre-back by Wal last week,
and immediately played like an inscrutable Samurai warrior who has been roaming
the environs of the Great Wall for countless years searching for the perfect
peanut sauce, and finally found it beside a plate of pan fried noodles. And
again against Olympic, GT was a great success in the heart of defence. When it
was required he muscled up (much like how Big Si used to do, before he became a
father and went soft). On two occasions, one in each half, the two complete
twats in the oppo tried to intimidate GT, and came off looking the unlikely
candidates for prostrate cancer they are.
GT and Tel were major factors in our stoical second half survival, but more
of that later.Their were a few scares at Snouter's end in the first twenty
minutes, with the oppo playing a lot of controlled footy towards the edge of our
area, and Stevie and PK on the flanks were being worked over. Then the rain hit,
and this helped us to keep play mostly out of our danger area. PJ came on to
give bulk to our forward line, which was being led expertly by Frank. Much
maligned in his Turtle career until recently, Frankie has struck form, perhaps
due to his increased fitness.
Against a top level defence, he won ball and distributed accurately, on one
occasion laying on a great pass that PJ couldn't quite get to for a finish
(hopefully PJ will work on his speed off the mark over summer). Ex-Turtle
Richard in the oppo goal also had to make good saves from Murray and Frank as
the rain made keeping tricky. The new brothers were playing wide for us, and
provided good links for Murray and Chris. It is rumoured that Weasel also spent
some time at right half, but nobody is prepared to state categorically that they
saw him there. He could have spent the first half soaking in a hot tub with
Trudi and Grunter for all we know.
We felt quite pleased to be at nil-all at half-time,
but knew the second half would be a trial. The weather at this stage would have
had Sherpa Tensing reaching for his pom-pom hat, so it was a quick drink, and
back on. As we took our places for the re-start, a small, stooped figure in a
massive black coat came to the top of the bank behind Snouter's goal, waved, and
shouted out "Go Turtles" in a strange accent. Some said it as Billy "The Fish"
Harris, coach of Central United who were in the process of spanking Island Bay
in the Chatham Cup on the No. 2 ground over yonder. Billy is a life long Turtle
fan, and some day hopes to meet his idols. But it wasn't Billy. Readers of these
reports will be astonished to read that it was in fact Nagoya fisherman Myoshi
Nakajima.
The circumstances that brought the poor, illiterate old man five thousand
miles to Island Bay make a wondrous tale. It is a story full of adventure, a
roller-coaster ride of danger and excitement, the type of trip that would easily
take up several pages of rollicking prose, and at it's completion any reader
would find themselves uplifted, their faith in the indestructibility of the
human spirit restored.
But there just isn't time for that story now, as the second half is under
way, and by crikey readers it's a beauty. We started off camped in our half,
although it was more of a permanent settlement than a camp. Pretty soon Murray
had joined the back four, tracking runs mercilessly, and putting in countless
last-ditch tackles. PK had a quick little wanker to deal with throughout, and
although regularly beaten, always recovered to adjust his socks and look
composed before anyone noticed. Stevie was being helped out by Grant on the
left, who had the unpleasant task of marking Basil, the primary tosser. As the
half wore on, Grant grew into his role, and showed the energy of youth, which
was crucial later on. Snout, it has to be said, was immaculate. There were
dipping, slithering shots, long-range drives, snap shots from close range,
swirling corners, and not one mistake. At the twenty-minute mark, there was a
sense that this could well be a historic result. A draw here would be momentous.
The good chances the oppo had were squandered just wide, or snuffed out by a
Snout save.
The rain and wind abated slightly, and we mounted a few attacks. Weasel
re-appeared up at right half, and got some ball. Chris made runs again, and
Frankie was back in it. Wayne was up front now, got into the game a bit, and had
our first good chance. Murray won the ball on halfway, and set off up the right.
In a remarkable surge of energy, he went right to the line, and popped it back
on a plate to Wayne, who put it just wide. This was significant as a change in
momentum. A little later Chris cut inside and gave it back to Stevie, who lobbed
just over the top from outside the box. And then, with about 15 to go, Weasel
sparked into life. After combining with PK, he came infield, and sent over a
great cross to Frank, who was almost clear up on the left. Both he and his
defender slipped slightly, but Frank recovered the quicker, and lashed a low
shot inside the near post.
Amazing. Could this really turn into a win!!?? Now the oppo were really
pissed. And this is where GT and Tel, ably assisted by everyone else, stood up.
A swirling cross was carried by the wind onto the cross-bar, and came down into
a seriously troublesome area, from where PK cleared it with brilliant skill. Tel
took every header that came in, and gave full effort to all the goal kicks, of
which there were numerous. GT appeared when required to stop the regular runs
from attackers, and if he wasn't there, Murray was. The oppo had two really good
late chances, but missed them both badly, and with each of those our belief
grew. It was a great feeling at the final whistle, delivered without a hint of
smarminess by Dodge, who had done a fine job of reffing, to be fair. Most of the
oppo shook hands and took the result well, it must be said. Most.
So the elements had been overcome, the indicators turned on their heads. The
day was improving, and would continue to in Aussie and that other place. As the
skies cleared to the south, the late afternoon winter light silhouettes a small
fishing boat as it put-puts away, out past the island in Island Bay.
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