It was a game of two halves, but they were very similar and we lost them both. It was the game that promised so much and delivered so little. It was a chance for the Fabulous Turtles to play out of our skins and yet we went into our shells. The 2-nil defeat at the hands of Kapiti was the loss that shattered our hopes and dreams for 2003. The chance of three consecutive victories for the first time in Turtles Masters history had once again eluded us.

Our hopes had been raised earlier in the month as news came through of the arrival of Scott, son of Steve, born on the 6^th of July. A new Turtle had ventured out onto the sandy beaches of Days Bay and nobody has seen or heard from his father since. However, the team had long been preparing for this event and were buoyed by the prospect of at least two more hatchlings in the coming weeks. Sure enough, Stefanos (week 2) and then Emma (week 3) emerged as testament to their respective fathers’ mid-life potency.

The arrival of the three little Turtles in consecutive weeks was the catalyst for a resurgence in the team’s on-field form. All the outward signs were of a side reborn, a defensive screen hardened in its resolve, a midfield running on more creative juices, and a forward line prepared to strike. And, as July progressed, the team played with increasing maturity. It seemed all was well, both on and off the paddock.

On 12 July the Turtles’ had defeated a hapless Waterside outfit, turning the tables on their more highly fancied opponents. And so it was the following week when an unruly Olympic mob was put out of its misery in a dramatic 1-nil encounter. So on Saturday a hat trick of victories seemed inevitable. All that stood between the Turtles and glory were the lowly Kapiti Hearts. But they were merely a team of easy-beats who Dodger had repeatedly described as a bunch of slow bastards with little goal scoring nous.

So it was an encounter we expected to win - a home game where the elements and the heavens were in our favour. A game where all the signs pointed to a fairytale 3-0 victory. There were shared visions of Frankie becoming top Turtle goal scorer for the season. Perhaps he would snare an elusive personal hat trick. Regardless, it would be a victory for all to enjoy, and Tel was going to shout, having played his 100th game the week before.

Let’s face it, we were entitled to be confident. Inspirational skipper Wal had returned from doing show and tell in the States and would be chomping at the bit. Lance would be an ample replacement for Snout, who had buggered off for the weekend to support the ABs in their bonus dispute. In fact, Lance would fit snugly into the keeper’s jersey, if not his pants. Lance is a bit of a dark horse. During the week he surprised us all with details about his relationship with Sarah Ulmer. He wouldn’t share all his photos but talked freely about adorning his body with elasticised bicycle clips. Sarah is the current Turtles patron, and unlike her predecessor Kylie, clearly likes to protect her arse rather than thrust it towards the nearest male predator. This doesn’t seem to bother Lance though.

Anyway, at the pre-match team talk Wal confessed to not having fully recovered from his torrid trip abroad. He was guilty of excessive premature celebration, and decided to ref the first half as punishment. Tel arrived late and struggled to get his boots laced up before the opening whistle. Big soft Si volunteered to sit out the first twenty, but instead it was Dodge who was left to cool his heels on the sideline. Having not played in the previous weeks, Dodge was philosophical – he would make his impact off the bench.

Unfortunately the team’s pre-match analysis focused not so much on the game in hand but rather on the dismal display by the Kiwis the night before. The Kangaroo attack had been more damaging than any mounted by Uday, Qusay and Saddam in their prime, and the forty point annihilation had denied Kiwis everywhere the chance to savour a rare three-beat of their trans-Tasman foes. Little did we realise at the time that our own sub-standard effort this day would be equally disappointing for Turtles followers around the world.

The first half began without incident – only an occasional half-chance was created and neither side looked likely. Zil went close with a corner after 20 minutes but the team performance suffered from a lack of cohesion and composure on the ball. Turtle turnovers occurred all too regularly and for a while the Kapiti opposition was equally inept. Rolling subs were introduced but we could not establish a rhythm – a fact that was best typified by the plight of GT – having to switch from sweeper to striker and back again repeatedly during the course of the game. Phil and Stevie H worked their respective flanks but to no avail, and brothers Wayne and Grant somebodyorother found out what it is like when the Turtles have an off day.

After 30 minutes the sides were still deadlocked. Neither keeper had been tested, and the game was meandering along, much like this match report. Then, as if by a cruel twist of fate, there came a moment of madness, an error of massive proportions – a pretty big cock up to say the least! Dodge had entered the game as a rolling sub. Initially he seemed to be coping OK, but then he absolutely duffed a clearing kick in front of goal. As the ball dribbled to the feet of a Kapiti striker you could see the tide had finally turned against the Turtles. The gift was gratefully accepted by the opposition frontman who shot past a stranded Lance for the opening goal.

Kapiti hearts were raised. Turtle heads dropped. Nobody called out "that was f****n awful, Dodge!!" but many were thinking it just the same. PJ, who was sidelined with gout, enjoyed the irony and chortled knowingly. Cookie and Ange just cringed - unable to watch any more they said their goodbyes and headed for the shops.

From there things went further downhill. First Frankie took a dive, and while he rolled about on the deck big Si went off for a rest. However, within 5 minutes Si’s services were required again as first PK and then Tel departed with crippling knee injuries. PK recovered sufficiently to ref the second half but Tel’s patella ligaments were shot, and his season looks all but over. The whole team seemed to limp off at half time to be greeted by an unhappy Grunter. He gestured wildly with his bucket in one hand and sponge in the other. Somehow we got the message and were determined to do better in the second spell.

Having decided to make an appearance at the restart, Wal immediately found some space on the right. While the Kapiti back four pleaded repeatedly and unsuccessfully for offside, Wal found Muzzer and then Frankie in front of goal. Sadly Muzzer’s first-time volley was crap and blasted over the top and into the playground. Frankie’s left foot bullet also failed to trouble the keeper sliding past the near post.

As usual Chris was a tireless worker throughout and deserved to be awarded Man-of-the-Match simply for getting the better of a running battle with Kapiti’s big No.5. This guy looked bloody ridiculous in his body-hugging tight yellow shirt and skimpy blue shorts. However, we found out later that Kapiti had won all its games this season when playing in their dangerously tight change strip. An inquiry has been instigated as to why this important piece of information was overlooked by the Turtle tactician until it was much too late.

And so it was with 15 minutes to go that Kapiti increased their lead with a well-constructed goal down the right hand side. The final shot was mis-timed but had enough on it to beat a diving Lance and dribble into the back of the net. 2-nil and the game was slipping away.

The Turtles showed little on attack after that and rarely threatened as the confidence of the opposition grew. Zil went closest to forcing the issue late in the game when he charged the Kapiti keeper in a mad goal-mouth scramble. The keeper finally managed to get his hands on the ball by diving between Zil’s legs. It was a close shave, but calls for a free-kick on the one hand and a penalty on the other both went unanswered. The two protagonists quickly disengaged, got back to their feet, exchanged a few pleasantries and went about their business.

And so it was that the hopes and dreams of three consecutive Turtle victories faded away for a second season. Nevertheless the team has its three debutant dads to thank for an otherwise hugely productive July. The future has never looked brighter – and the Turtle tradition looks set to continue for generations to come.